Men: How to Win an Argument With a Woman

by Christy Michelle

Every couple fights. Nine times out of ten men will say, “It’s impossible to win an argument with a woman.” And with that, most men will throw in the towel, take their punishment and walk on. But does that mean the woman has won? Hardly. With the divorce rates record-high, it is important that couples begin to understand that communication is key in keeping a relationship together. Inevitably, you will argue. Surprisingly, however, you both can “win” and, consequently, overcome it.

Women want the same things men want when it comes to expressing their opinions. They want the full attention of the other party, and a little thing called R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Say it, spell it, and learn it. Because alas, my male friends, it is positively true. If you are peering over her shoulder to watch the tube, while she is expressing her feelings at glass-shattering levels, you have an attention problem. Imagine you are trying to explain to your computer tech guy the reason why you can’t access your fave games and videos. You are frustrated and annoyed. Pouring your heart out (via your lungs) you are explaining to him what the computer does and when. Given your level of computer expertise you throw in (and proudly so) all the steps you have already taken to correct the problem. Yet, the computer is still down. Meanwhile, your computer tech is distracted. He is watching your wife out of the corner of his eye. You catch on. Now how do you feel? Does your frustration and annoyance take a turn for the worst? What are the chances that in a few moments you will feel better simply because you “expressed” yourself? What could have prevented this already irritating problem from becoming downright infuriating? The computer tech’s attention? Hmm…that was easy.

When your woman is standing in front of you, hands on hips, relaying those words you hate to hear; “we need to talk,” this is your cue, as her man, to listen. Not half-heartedly, but whole-heartedly. Realize that for most women, whatever she is about to say has been building and brooding for days. Why? Because unlike men, women typically do not express themselves at every given opportunity. Instead we usually over-think and over-analyze, hoping that in the end, a resolution will appear without a confrontation with you. If it doesn’t, then we must resort to “having a talk” and much to men’s surprise, we typically hate saying those words as much as you hate hearing them.

So now you have turned off the TV, radio, computer and any other distracting electronic device. Take a seat. And ask her too as well. Nicely now guys, not forcefully. Remember, when you are angry the last thing you want is someone bossing you around. If she refuses, accept it. Don’t argue. You want to make the gesture for her to be comfortable, that is all. And no eye-rolling here either.

More likely than not, your woman will begin to speak at rapid speed. If she loses you, stop her. Again, nice is the key word. Ask her to repeat herself, nicely. Feigning understanding during her talk will only cause you embarrassment later. Remember, this is all part of truly listening. Keep in mind that no one, men included, enjoy being interrupted by someone else’s opinion. Your opinion counts to us, just not in the middle of our sentence. Let her finish.

Once she has said her piece, now is your first opportunity in “winning” this argument. If she is close enough, reach over and squeeze her hand. If not, be sure to at least make eye contact. Take a deep breath before you begin speaking. When you do begin to speak, speak in a tone softer and gentler than she is. Two heated voices will not get far. A good first sentence to begin with? “I’m sorry this has you so upset.” What? Apologize already? Yes. You are not admitting fault here men, you are simply “sympathizing” with your woman. When you are angry do you want sympathy? Yes. And so do we. By acknowledging her agony you have already taken the first step in the right direction.

We understand that the issues at hand may be something you have a strong, differential opinion about. And we do want to hear them, honestly. However, most men respond with their opinions in a threatening and aggressive manner that simply feeds the fuel, per say. Repeat her side of the argument. Then, tell her you respect (gulp, yes tell her) you respect her opinion. However, you do have a different view you would appreciate (omigod, another nice term? Yes) her listening to as well. Then, afterwards, the two of you will find a compromise. Proceed in telling her your side of the story. Listen to her response carefully. By now you will have probably noticed something amazing. Your woman’s tone of voice has no doubt been lowered. And the argument has stayed on track. Quite astonishingly, you may actually see a silver lining in the clouds already. Do as you said you would, and talk until a suitable compromise for the both of you has been met. End the discussion with a great hug and kiss, and remind her she can always talk to you about anything.

Lesson learned? Women do not take enjoyment from lecturing men. We really do want to reach a solution and fast. What we don’t expect is for the man to put himself in our place. To understand that if he was as frustrated and angry as we appear to be, that he would expect common courtesy and support from his partner. That’s all we are asking. So the next time an argument appears in your future, turn it around from screaming match with no solution, to adult conversation with a happy ending.